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You are here: Home Opinion Paula I. Bryant He’s alive

He’s alive

We just celebrated the resurrection of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, and Scottsburg freelance writer Kent Mills penned Jesus’ obituary detailing the events celebrated over Easter weekend.


We reprint the obituary with his permission in today’s column space.


Obituary of Jesus Christ

Jesus Christ died Friday on a hill known as Golgotha.

Jesus gave up the ghost at approximately 3 p.m. Jerusalem time as a result of crucifixion.

He was born in the small town of Bethlehem and then taken to Egypt as a child where he began his education.

Later in life, Jesus returned to Nazareth located near the Sea of Galilee where he grew to manhood.

Jesus was born on Christmas day in the year 0001 A.D. and died in 0033 A.D. at the age of 33.

He is survived by his mother, Mary, and his stepfather, Joseph (Joe).

Jesus is the elder of several brothers and sisters also of Nazareth.

He was preceded in death by his favorite cousin, John, also known by many in the area as “John the Baptist.”

Funeral services were scheduled for Monday at the Tabernacle of David Synagogue; however, services had to be cancelled due to his unexpected resurrection discovered early Sunday morning.

Jesus will be meeting with friends and followers on numerous occasions over the next 40 days prior to his scheduled departure from planet Earth.

His mother, Mary, and stepfather Joseph wish to thank the entire community for their outpouring of love and support during this trying, yet amazingly happy time.

Jesus’ true father, God, is currently organizing a welcome home celebration for his only begotten son. This joyous occasion is to be held at their home located in heaven and is an open invitation to all who will accept.

Directions to the party can be found in a popular book known as the Bible.

Copies are available at your local bookstore.




If so, then watch out this Friday.

People who have a true fear associated with the number 13 are called triskaidekaphobics. Even without the phobia, many people just don’t like the number 13 and would rather avoid it, if possible.  

Avoiding the number 13 can be traced back to medieval times. 

Witches’ covens are associated with having 13 members. Streets or housing estates in several countries skip the house number 13. Some hotels avoid a floor 13 due to the universal superstition of bad luck.

And Friday the 13th is considered for some to be the most unlucky day possible.

The number 13 never has bothered me that much. Tell you the truth, the thought never crossed my mind when I renewed my license plates that now bear May ’13.

You can’t avoid April’s Friday the 13th later this week, but for those vehicle owners who don’t want to display the number 13 on their license plates, the Department of Motor Vehicles is encouraging them to renew their tags for two or three years and save a few bucks.

Happy Friday, the 13th.