Friday, Aug 01st

Last updateFri, 01 Aug 2014 7am

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Just follow these simple instructions

Following is a list of famous last words throughout history:

This will hurt me more than it will hurt you

 Good morning, customer service

 I have nothing more to say

 There is no truth to the allegations in the indictment

 I’m not a crook

 I’ll be back

 Just follow the instructions

Speaking of that last one, that’s what I thought before my neighbor and I labored the entire Saturday to install a ceiling fan in my living room, just follow the instructions.

Simple, right?

Wrong, unless you have the dexterity of an octopus plus all eight of its arms, in addition to having the brain of an MIT graduate.

Remember the lyrics of that old song, “your toe bone connected to your foot bone, your foot bone connected to your heel bone, your heel bone connected to your ankle bone,” etc.

You get the picture. 

I think the easiest thing in the entire process was attaching the fan blades to the brackets that in turn attached them both to the fan motor.

To tell you the truth, it isn’t a one-man job, but a two-man enterprise, and regardless of the available light, it takes tons more illumination to get the job done right.

Imagine holding a flashlight with one hand and trying to line up parts with the other.

I must have dropped at least six screws and washers during the all-day installation period, and when you have to get down on your hands and knees on a dark-colored Karistan rug to find them, it makes things even more challenging.

Fortunately, I recovered all but one washer, and I found that one the next morning, so the task was not compromised.

 

Think maybe I’ll turn the instruction manual around and read the instructions in English next time.

Distracted

I admit to being an old fashioned guy, and I ain’t hip by any means, so forgive me if I obsess with the issue of technology.

Ageless wisdom

Attending a family friend’s 95th birthday celebration Saturday again reminded me of the decades of accumulated wisdom our older generations possess.

Balancing act

I’ve touched on the subject briefly in recent columns, but ironically enough the idea of “big brother,” i.e. the government watching your every move is not a new concept.

What to talk about

Once again, it’s Monday, and once again I’ve procrastinated and have no idea for a column.

Everyone’s an all-star

I had the privilege of attending the annual Halifax County-South Boston Sports Hall of Fame on Saturday.

Flashbacks and marshmallow peeps

Whenever I have a free moment or two, I like to look back through our archives, and a glance back at the April 4, 1963 edition of the Halifax Gazette yielded a few interesting tidbits.

Wisconsin spring

My best friend in Richmond would probably call it a “Wisconsin spring,” when describing the wet, cold, damp weather we’ve been experiencing.

Yakkity yak, don’t talk back

It’s Monday morning, and again I’m struggling because like most everybody I’m still adjusting to Daylight Saving Time.