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DOUG FORD: This column could be dangerous to your health

I admit I’m a little behind, but I came across some of the new food laws for 2014.

Some of them range from reasonable to ridiculous to bizarre.

According to the website, Kitchen Daily, a Connecticut law currently on the books prohibits the serving of food and beverages during a funeral, so my advice to anyone attending a funeral in Connecticut is fill up on food as well as gas before going.

Delaware, as have at least 10 other states, have banned the sale of shark fin soup, a delicacy to many diners.

The law prohibits possession, sale or distribution of shark fins in response to sharks reaching endangered species status.

Man bites dog?

A law recently passed in Colorado allows residents in Denver and other areas of the state to smoke or eat marijuana.

Gives new meaning to Denver’s moniker as “The Mile High City,” doesn’t it?

A new California law requires food handlers to have no bare hand contact with ready-to-eat foods, such as salad ingredients, bread, cold meats and sandwiches, with gloves or utensils required.

Hard to come up with something witty about that one, it seems to be common sense.

Finally, a new federal law requires vending machines to list calorie counts on all the snacks sold from the machine, so as to help consumers make healthy eating decisions.

Number one, it’s very difficult to read the tiny labels on candy bars listing calories or ingredients, even harder if they’re inside the vending machine, and I already realize they’re not the healthiest things in the world for you.

That’s why they’re called junk food to begin with, but if it takes the federal government to tell me how unhealthy I am, then so be it.

It reminds me of what New York City tried to do in banning sugary drinks.

New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg had proposed banning the sales of 16-ounce non-diet sugary beverages in establishments such as restaurants and sport arenas in an effort to combat obesity, but a New York appellate court in 2013 declared the proposal illegal.

It’s my sugar rush, and I’ll have it when I want it.

I have yet to see a law banning grapes and other foreign objects such as nuts in chicken salad, and I like different types of cuisine but have not developed a taste for guacamole.

Something about the color and texture turns me off, but believe it or not, I have developed a taste for prunes, and not just because of my age. 

One man’s chopped steak is another man’s filet, I guess.